Togetherness
by soavezefiretto
Summary: My first fanfic ever!! Although it's about love, i tried not to make it fluffy. On their wedding night, Delenn and John talk about lost happiness and.. Anna. Please, please review!!And oh, yes, I forgot the diclaimer: of course i don't own or invented thi


I  
"Talk to me about Anna."  
"What?"  
They were lying naked on the bed, facing each other. Delenn´s eyes had been closed for a long  
while, her breathing soft and regular; he had assumed she had fallen asleep. John was tracing the  
curve of her shoulder with his right hand, trying to grasp the sheer beauty of this woman who  
was now his wife. Her voice startled him.  
Now her eyes were open, she was looking at him. Otherwise she didn't move.  
"Tell me about Anna", she repeated.  
"What - what do you mean? Why?"  
She could feel how his whole body stiffened. Their first night together - their future, the   
future of the Universe as they knew it was uncertain, these hours, they had stolen them out of   
the inexorable flow of time to fill them only with their love, to leave everything else outside -  
and now Delenn wanted him to talk about Anna? Anna, of all people? Why? What could she possibly   
want to know?  
Delenn reached up to his face and ran her finger down his temple, cheek, neck. Then she moved   
closer, put her arms around him, kissed his shoulder. He melted into her embrace and buried his  
face in her hair.  
"I need to know, John. And you need to tell me. It's important. When she came here..."  
"It was NOT her!"  
  
His grasp on her body turned hard for a moment. Delenn held her breath. So much more than this  
fragile moment could be broken...  
II  
  
They had been married for some eight hours now, but she knew the consolidation of their union  
would take place over the next months, even years, as they worked together for the consolidation  
of everything they had fought and sacrificed so much for. It was something they had to work on,  
and the start was right here, in the putting back together of the pieces that had fallen apart  
in this man's heart, mind and soul. This was not the man she had fallen in love with - and he   
never would be again. He was not the man who had gathered her in his arms that first time on  
board the White Star One, although they were immersed in a cruel war, his kiss had been fresh,   
hopeful and enthusiastic, like a young lover's.  
She didn't want him to go back to the way he was. They all had changed. She loved him still,   
with a despair that frightened her at times, and she knew her love would go on forever - but it  
killed her inside, the way his smile faded so easily now. And just a few hours earlier, when   
they had made love, she could feel how he was holding back a kind of strange, almost sick urgency  
and hunger, because he didn't want to hurt her, because he wanted to be gentle and wonderful for  
her. She had pressed close to him and encouraged him, with her hands, with her mouth, to let it  
all out. If he wasn't going to show her what he really felt the first time, it might turn into  
a habit.   
Then they had both lost themselves in a rage neither of them had expected, in a union that went  
beyond the body, beyond the mind, beyond time. When he cried out, there was nearly as much pain   
as there was pleasure in it.  
  
He was walking on a sharp edge that cut his heart open, surrounded by darkness. What exactly was   
she putting to risk with her probing and questioning? But Delenn had decided that the time was  
come: she had committed her life to this man, and if she lost him by trying to heal his wound,  
then that would be the price. His soul was more important than his physical presence.  
  
III  
  
"I know. I know something horrible happened to her, and whoever - whatever it was that came to   
Babylon 5, it was not your wife. And I also know how much that pained you, and even before that  
I knew how much you had loved her and how hard her loss had been for you. What you said to me   
in my quarters... do you think I didn't know, I couldn't see it in you eyes? You were not the   
only one who was falling, John..."  
"Then, if you already know, what else is there to say?"  
"She was the woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with. She was a very important part  
of your life, and I want to share it with you."  
"Delenn, I..."  
"It's a lot to ask, I know. Look, I don't want every detail, I just... I wish I could have known  
her..."  
As she uttered this last sentence, John couldn't say if she was speaking to him or to herself.  
"You would have liked her. She had strong opinions of her own, but she was always so happy and   
enthusiastic about them that she could convince you they were your own ideas before you knew   
where you were. She had this easy way about her... by her side, it was impossible to feel   
dejected for very long."  
"How did you meet her?"  
"Oh, it was this absolutely dull party were a friend dragged me because he wanted to meet a girl  
there. I knew no one and was planning to have a drink and leave. By the bar I met Anna, and it   
turned out she was the girlfriend MY friend's girl had dragged along to meet... my friend."  
"I don't think I quite got that..."  
"Never mind. The thing is, that's where we met. She lifted my spirits. We danced and talked and   
laughed and drank 'til everyone else was gone."  
"You danced?"  
"I did. If she smiled her special smile at me and said c'mon, John, she could bring me to do   
almost anything. And it wasn't just me. She made Ivanova sing Dream a little dream of me on a  
birthday party where there were at least two admirals present."  
"Was she good?"  
"Susan? Actually, she was surprisingly good. I told her that evening she had missed a career   
there."  
  
IV  
  
"Thank you."  
There were tears shimmering in Delenn´s eyes. With his warm voice, he had narrated how he had  
fallen in love with Anna, the proposal on a rainy night, the wedding, the life they had shared,  
both busy with their own careers but still finding the time to be together, to laugh and to live.  
This was his gift to her.  
"No, thank YOU. I know now why you asked me about Anna. You had a right to know."  
"It's not because I want to know, John, it's because I want to help you, help you find yourself  
again. This is part of you, or who you are; what you felt for her and she for you, the moments   
of happiness you shared, won't disappear because of what happened to her afterwards. As G'Kar  
would say, those moments are part of the fabric of the Universe, they enriched it, just as they  
enriched your own being. And, besides that..."  
"Yes?"  
"Anna was a good wife, wasn't she?"  
"A - what? Well, that's a weird question, Delenn." He looked at her quizzically, but her  
expression was serious. "Well... yes, I suppose she was. We... we were happy."  
"I want to make you happy, John. I want to be a good wife."  
His laugh was incredulous.  
"Delenn! Do you think I married you because I want a good wife?"  
"No, but..."  
"No, now you listen to me." His arms around her were strong and warm. Softly, he put a hand on   
her mouth. "I know why you started this, and you are right, there are a lot of things I need to   
get over. But enough of this for tonight. Now I have something to say, on this our wedding night:  
do you know, why I am here, lying in this bed with you tonight?"  
She shook her head.  
"Because I couldn't help it. I was drawn to you from the first moment I saw you, with all my  
body and all my soul, and if I had been happily married to Anna for 25 years and had five   
children it would still have happened. What I feel for you goes beyond happiness, it goes beyond  
the person I thought I was until I met you. You are my life, Delenn, you brought me back to  
myself in a way I cannot fully comprehend even now. I'm here because you bear my soul in your   
breast."  
He laid his head on her left breast and kissed it. As she pressed his head to her body her  
tears flowed freely. They had broken down the first wall. There were many more, for both of   
them. But as her husband kissed her mouth, deeply and passionately now, Delenn knew that together  
they could shake the foundations of the Universe. They had done it and would do it again.  
Together.  



End file.
